More Reflections and St. Petersburg

I had a revelation today -- I’m odd. I know all of you are saying, “Yea, we knew that when you decided to move to Russia for a year!” but I just figured that out! In my mind, I always pictured life being idealistic, something like sitting in the living room of the Gustafson’s in Nebraska: that in all my days my greatest moments would be found in the middle of a cornfield without a soul around. My favorite song during college was “Where the green grass grows” by Tim McGraw, and while I was listening to that today, I was trying to picture myself sitting in a rocking chair on the porch watching the sunset. I couldn’t see it. I’m still envious of your life Charlie and Leanne, but I don’t think I will be able to join you in farm country!

I’m very worried/ thoughtful/ distressed about my transition back to civilian life in the US of A. I feel as though this year my world has been turned upside down and there it will hang for the remainder of my days. What I mean is, everything I always assumed was “right,” just isn’t anymore. I grew up as a middle class American who was taught that she could do anything she wanted to do. So I did. I lived the way that Americans are supposed to: I was the good student, the cheerleader, the loyal friend and proud citizen. But, by parental influence, a dream to see more invaded my idealism. And so here I am, living, working, teaching in a culture that sees me as one of the richest people on earth, spoiled, and ignorant of hard work. Here I am, flitting around the globe, seeing hundreds of years of history and culture in just a few days. Here I am, learning that I have learned nothing in my 23 years. Here I am, questioning my idealistic and romantic dreams of the future. At 15, and again at 21, a life like Christy Miller (a character from my favorite series of Christian Romance novels) seemed like the perfect story – the easy one. But I'm not sure I was created for the easy way, for that “perfect life” with 2.5 kids, a dog, and a house with a white picket fence. I don’t know what this means, or where I will go from here. I do know there is a world of information out there, a lifetime of discoveries, and I want to be a part of them all! Someone asked me the other day, “What would you have to do to consider yourself successful in life?” I used to know the answer, but I don’t anymore. Do you?

Many of these thoughts arrived with my friend Sara, who came to visit me from England a few weeks ago. We were friends with the same people in college, but not great friends. It just so happened that we took the same paths after school – she took up a job in graphic design for an organization in Oxford, England – which has brought us closer together. Sara was lucky enough to have a lot of cross-cultural training before she left, and will have more counseling when she returns next year, so we discussed the changes we had both experienced in ourselves and the implications that meant for the future. It was so wonderful to have her here; to be able to talk about old friends and good times, to talk to someone who has known me for more than 10 months, and just to feel completely comfortable with someone. She was here with another friend for 7 days and we did all we could in those days – covering as much of Moscow as possible. I think I wore her out! It was good for me to finally make it to some of the museums and churches that I hadn’t been able to get to yet. Friends are always a blessing!

Four days after Sara left, Addie, Chris and I got on a train at 1:30 in the morning for St. Petersburg. It was officially my first train trip, but since I slept the entire way, there isn’t much to tell about it! Chris’s roommate, Anton, helped us rent a flat for the weekend, since all the hostels and cheap hotels were booked. St. Petersburg celebrated its 300^th anniversary two weeks ago, and the party still seemed to be raging with Russian tourists. We arrived around 10:30am, and after freshening up, we headed out on Dr. Ohan’s (Chris) famous walking tour: Finland Station, where Lenin’s train from Germany is still on display, the Avrora ship, lunch at a quaint café, the Peter and Paul Fortress tour, an ice cream stop, Vasilievsky Island, back over to the mainland to Palace Square, and down the famous Nevksy Prospect. It was a beautiful day to walk, but we were tired and crashed early. Friday we spent in the Hermitage (you really could spend days there – I got lost for a while), Decembrists Square, and at St. Isaac’s cathedral. We thought about catching a movie, but ended up shopping down Nevsky Prospect for the evening. Saturday morning Anton joined us and we headed out to see two more churches – The Church on the Blood, which was built over the place where Alexander the Second was assassinated, and is designed completely in mosaics -- quite impressive, and Kazaan Cathedral, which is still a working Orthodox Church. Anton had come to St. Petersburg for a wedding of his friend, and he wanted us to join him, so from 4pm until midnight I attended a Russian wedding. Definitely very different from the weddings I know, but the only wedding will get to attend this year, so I made the most of it. First we gathered at a “wedding house” where couples are married every 20 minutes or so. We waited in a room with Katya and Sergey’s family and friends (no, I had never met the couple!) Someone called out their names and we all processed up the stairs into a room, where we stood at the back while a woman in the front read out a document for the couple. She wore a typical dress, and he wore a suit. The couple and their witnesses signed their marriage certificate, they kissed, we applauded, and everyone headed back downstairs. While the couple went around to the city monuments to take pictures (it was raining, but the photos came out nicely anyway), we boarded a bus that took us to a reception hall. All I could think of was “Wedding Singer” when I entered this place – bright pink and blue walls with white leather furniture – I thought it was hilarious – especially when there was one man who coordinated all the festivities. He earned the title “wedding speaker” from yours truly. No Russian party is complete without plenty of toasts, games, and dancing, and that is how I spent the next 6 hours. They even made Addie, Chris and I make toast – they were excited to have Americans at their wedding (there were probably only 40 people there, so we stood out like sore thumbs)! I eventually pleaded with Anton to give up taking pictures so we could leave around midnight because it was the longest day of the year and I wanted to see the bridges rise. We joined the crowds at the riverside around 1 am – it only got really dark about 12:45, and soon after all the lights of the city came on. I took about 30 pictures, capturing the inch by inch progress of the bridge – which I won’t subject you to, but it was fun to see. Sunday we checked our bags in at the train station and headed out to Peterhof Palace – a magnificent palace built on the Gulf of Finland coast for Peter the Great that was destroyed in the war but has now been rebuilt. I think every Russian in the country decided to go that day, because it was incredibly crowded – like Disneyland – but it was a beautiful day for wandering around acres and acres of gardens.

I actually filled up my 156 megabyte card in my digital camera with over 200 pictures during the weekend, but I won’t show you all of them – yet!

I got one tutoring job through a friend, and am hoping more will show up in the next few weeks. In the meantime, I am spending time reading, writing, sleeping, and relaxing. It’s been cool and rainy all summer, so I haven’t been outside much, but hopefully that will change soon. Next week I will take the train to Kiev; Drew Cox will be here for a few days after that and then I will only have a month left before I leave for England! Yikes!

Congratulations for making it thus far. I told you I can get long winded when I have time! Blessings to you all…I miss everyone, and hate thinking about all I am missing being away this summer. I know this is where I am supposed to be though, which is a huge comfort. Thank you for your prayers...

One last note: now on my top ten list, and a must read for the summer; Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury – maybe I should just stick to reading about idealism rather than trying to live it!