The OC at Christmas. HA. You should be laughing. Are you? Not yet? They decorate their houses with lights -- while wearing Rainbow flip-flops and burmuda shorts. They decorate palm trees. Uh, I mean, we, decorate palm trees. "We" paint our trees white so we can pretend that it snows here. Can this really be Christmas? It feels a little empty without the scarves and mittens, peacoats and boots, but I suppose I'll try to enjoy my cotton skirt with flip-flops on Christmas day...
USC and UCLA are playing football. This is the one day most of Southern California watches football. I remember in college my Nebraska crew couldn't figure out who I rooted for (neither could I). Today, no one loses -- I watch and root for he who scores the most!
On an heavier note, I've been thinking a lot more about my time in college. John Brown University, smack dab inthe middle of nowhere, was the somewhere I needed to find myself. I'm amazed that I did. I'm amazed that for four years I felt completely safe to be myself, to explore who I was and who I wanted to be, to fail and succeed, to love and lose. Will I ever feel that again? Will the "Smarmies" team that surrounded me during that time ever be apart of my daily life again? I'm struggling with feeling safe, with a willingness to be vulnerable, with the effort it takes to make friends. New friends are only as vulnerable and open to you as you are to them. So I have to go out there and do it...and it takes effort I don't know if I have. Or want to have.
Sulking....
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