Values

I'm taking this class called Educational Leadership. Apart from the fact that it is entirely too much work for me, it's making me question myself a lot. Tonight we did this exercise where we had to write what we would want people to say about us if in 5 years we were given a "Leader of the Year Award."

I'm fighting being a leader. I'm called to be, that much is clear. But people don't like leaders, and for some reason, I want to be liked. So I wrote that I wanted people to say things like "She put her relationships first" and "She had dreams, set goals, and met them." Nothing over the top, nothing extraordinary. I guess I feel like leaders should want more than average, but I really want "average" I guess. Or do I? I say relationships are the most important thing to me, but my actions don't show that. I don't respond to emails, phone calls, or even people sitting in my face. I don't make arragnements to see people; I wait for them to come to me. I do travel distances to see people. I do try to connect with people when I can. I do try to limit the number of deep friendships...but does all of this connect with my values?

Are my values different than my strengths? I think so -- I value communication, but it is also a strength. I value learning and it is a strength. Maybe they are my values because they are my strengths.

Do our values really influence our entire existence? (They do, according to the authors of my textbook.) Aren't my values at work different than my values at home? I'm not speaking to my sister presently; communication isn't a value at home, but it is at school.

Too much for my brain this late at night.